Lori said something yesterday that shocked me. I don’t remember her exact words but they were something along the lines of, “You don’t like Matteo.” It wasn’t in a way that implied I don’t like Matteo because he gets in the way of our friendship. It was more personal, as if I had an issue with Matteo as an individual.

This set me back on my heels for a variety of reasons, but none more so than the simple fact that it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Matteo is a cute kid. I enjoy watching him intently for signs of Lori and Sal, both physically and in his personality. I look forward to seeing him and measuring how much he’s changed. There’s even a mental check list I go through: How much has he grown? Is he saying any new words? What does he like to play with now? Is he showing a preference for anything in particular, whether that be in the categories of food or people or fun or whatever? How does he relate to others, both kids and adults? And I try to let Lori know I have some sort of vested interest in him by asking her these check-list questions over the phone when we haven’t gotten together in a while. Just because I don’t pick him up and smother him with kisses doesn’t mean I don’t like him. You can just as easily admire something from afar. Or quietly.

Maybe part of the reason I’m not so overtly enthusiastic about Matteo in front of Lori is because I don’t want to encourage his presence every time Lori and I get together. Maybe there’s a part of me that thinks if I say something nice about Matteo, she’ll take it as an indication that I’m okay with him being around all the time, that his cuteness outweighs the necessity for our girl time. Clearly this hasn’t been effective since in the few dozen times we’ve gotten together since Matteo was born 20 months ago, she’s only left him with a babysitter twice…and one of those times I actually insisted she leave him behind because we were going sailing for her birthday. Maybe if I didn’t feel like I had to fiercely protect this itsy bit of alone time we have together, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her how freakin’ adorable Matteo looked running wildly across the open lawn at the park we were at the other day or how when his ears catch sunlight, it makes my heart melt.

There is this ridiculous belief by people with kids that anyone who is childfree must be so because s/he hates kids. I’m sure there are some childfree people out there who feel that way. But that’s like assuming that just because I don’t buy season tickets to the Dodger’s, I don’t like baseball. I love baseball. I just don’t want it to be my life. I didn’t choose to be childfree because I don’t like kids. I chose to be childfree because I prefer a lifestyle that doesn’t involve raising them. There’s a big difference.

I think from now on, I’ll employ a different strategy for encouraging Lori to leave Matteo with a sitter more often. Instead of internally admiring him, I’ll do it overtly, going over-the-top to the point of obnoxious. Maybe she’ll find that annoying enough to make sure it doesn’t happen again.