The Distance Grows

I’ve noticed lately that the distance between us is growing.  Maybe it’s been that way for awhile and I’m slow to notice, but recently I feel like I’ve been reaching out trying to make plans with Barb, only to get a slow and half-hearted response.  In the past I would mention getting together and she would throw out a few dates and we would make it happen.  But the last few requests have vanished into thin air.

I know she’s busy, but that isn’t anything new.  She always plans her time and has a ton of things going on.  The difference lately is that she used to have some room to work me in.  When we finally connected over the phone this week I felt like she wasn’t really that interested.  “I can’t do Wednesday, Thursday or Friday” (or something like that).  We finally agreed on a “tentative” get together Tuesday, which is something totally new.  Barb’s a planner, and to be on her “tentative list” is a first.  

I know I’m becoming more of a “mom” these days.  Since losing my job seven months ago, my identity has definitely shifted.  The career identity is a faint memory, although I’m working on starting my own business.  I’m spending more time at the park with other moms, watching Jon & Kate plus 8 on DVR and looking through cookbooks for new meal ideas.  Right now I’m drinking coffee in my pajamas watching Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch while Matteo plays on the floor.  Meanwhile Barb makes plans for Girl’s Weekend, camping with her hubby, writing classes and whatever else she decides she wants to do.  There’s a part of me that’s jealous of the freedom she has to go where she wants when she wants.  But it’s a small part.

A bigger part of me is sad to know that she is drifting away and our commonalities may be dwindling.  Maybe if our “tentative” get together happens we will reconnect and I can say I’m just imagining it.  Maybe I’ve been the one out in left field preoccupied with playdates and nap time.  But something is definitely different, and I hope it’s not a signal of the end.

Since I announced I was pregnant there has always been pending doom for our friendship, at least in Barb’s eyes.  She has been down this road before and lost (or cut off) friendships when kids came into the picture.  But it’s all new territory for me.  None of my friends have kids, and although we get together less frequently I don’t worry about our friendship ending.  With Barb, though, it’s different.  With her I feel like I’m on a never-ending job interview for a job I’ll never get.

I’ll just do what I do and hope for the best.  I guess tentatively is a good word for Tuesday, and maybe every day after that.