Ok, so I made it…and it wasn’t so bad after all.  I’m back from San Francisco and Matteo is sleeping soundly in his crib. And although packing for the trip was unbelievable, the trip itself was great.  And although I should be sleeping in my bed and taking advantage of this quiet time at home after a long day of planes, trains and automobiles, I wanted to check out what happened on Dually Noted over the weekend.  I think I finally turned the corner on this project - it started out as a chore, and now I’m enjoying the process.  More on that (and the trip to San Francisco) later…

So, on the subject at hand - how my friendship with Barb has changed since Matteo came along.

The first change I noticed was actually when I got pregnant.  Once it was official, my lifestyle immediately changed.  I had to stop drinking and smoking, and I was so tired I couldn’t manage to do anything but the basics…work, sleep, do some laundry, sleep, eat, repeat.  The first trimester was exhausting, and I didn’t tell anyone because you’re not supposed to let the cat out of the bag until it “sticks”…meaning that your chances of miscarrying go down.

So I spent the first trimester of my pregnancy in my cocoon…I went to work, I came home, I slept.  During this time many of my friends and family were wondering what was up.  Why is Lori so tired?  Why isn’t she going to happy hour anymore?  Where IS she?  For Barb and I, it was especially noticeable, since we both really like to get together and drink and talk and drink and smoke (just me on the smoking) for a LOOOOONG time.  Since I was on restriction and sworn to secrecy, I kind of avoided Barb, and for that matter, everyone else.

Then we went to Boston.  My husband was graduating from his MBA program and Barb and her husband traveled to Boston to celebrate with us.  This was the weekend we were going to tell everyone the news, and I remember dreading even TELLING Barb.  I knew she didn’t want kids, and knew selfishly she didn’t want her friends to have them either.  The best part of the whole thing is that when we met up in Boston, the first thing she noticed was how huge my boobs were!  Ten seconds after that comment, I told her I was knocked up.  I thought she was going to throw up.

Don’t get me wrong, I know she was happy for me because she knew this is what I wanted.  But she wasn’t happy for herself.  And for those of you who know Barb, it’s ALL ABOUT BARB.  Of course I say that tongue in cheek, but I think part of the reason that Barb chose to not have kids is because she doesn’t want to share the attention, or her time, or her life, with anyone else unless it’s on her time.  So when I told her I was pregnant, I wasn’t surprised to get mixed emotions from her.

So, through my pregnancy we hung out on occasion, but of course it was much milder than before.  I left earlier because I was tired.  I had one glass of wine instead of an entire bottle, and to everyone’s surprise, I quit smoking.

I earned the title of Mom.  I’ve thought about this alot since Barb brought up the idea of Dually Noted, and honestly never would have given it a second thought unless Barb DID bring it up…but that’s what Barb’s good for, making me think of things that would normally miss my radar.

What has changed?  My focus, first of all.  Instead of it being all about Barb, it’s all about Matteo, with Barb on the side.  Due to my maternity leave, we’re spending more time together, but net net, it’s probably the same amount of quality time as before, with lots of Matteo time interrupting our friend time!  Of course for me, it’s not really an interruption, but you know what I mean.

Also, the content of our visits have changed.  Instead of being totally relaxed and chillin’ on her porch, I’m always trying to anticipate Matteo’s next move during my conversations with Barb.  Partially because I want to make sure Matteo’s needs are being met, but also because I’m trying to anticipate his next move to minimize the “interruption” to our time together.  Really I’m just running interference to try to make it as enjoyable for Barb as possible, given I know she’d rather I ditch the kid with grandma.  :)

I’ve also revived my creative self thanks to Barb - something that likely wouldn’t have happened without my maternity leave, so we have Matteo to thank for that!  I’m going to do my best, too, to keep this side of myself alive when returning to the drone of the corporate world.  Wish me luck.

Overall, I think this change in status for me has changed the status of our friendship for Barb, but for me, it feels the same at its core.  We talk, we laugh, we drink, and in between there, I take care of Matteo.  If you were looking for something deeper, I apologize.  Even though Matteo has changed everything, in some ways, it’s all the same.

Today is Thursday…which means tomorrow is Friday.  Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that I’ve finally fallen off the edge of mommyhood craziness and will never return.  Not true…the reason that today and tomorrow are such big deals is this:  today I am doing a “test run” with a nanny and tomorrow I am doing a “test run” with Matteo on a flight to San Francisco.

It’s 713am and I am hanging around with extra time on my hands.  Why?  Well, I have a meeting at work at 8am, and I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take me to get ready to actually be able to leave the house by 730am and feel secure leaving Matteo with the wanna be nanny.  So, I woke up before my alarm (something I NEVER would have done before I had children) at 530am, nursed Matteo, put him back to sleep, showered, ate my oatmeal, got dressed, and even put on makeup - and I’ve been ready for 30 minutes.  Good to know I can sleep in a little more when the real deal comes! 

Then comes the real test - flying with a 3 month old.  Tomorrow I will be “that woman”…the woman that people on the plane see and repeat the mantra silently in their head “don’t sit by me, don’t sit by me, DON’T F**KING SIT BY ME!”  Yep, that’s gonna be me.  Matteo and me and a million other things that are required when you travel con bebe.

First of all, there’s the carseat that attaches to the stroller to get him through the airport.  After I check my luggage (which is 75% occupied with his things and my stuff is crammed in there, too), I’ll have to go through security.  Yeah, with a diaper bag, my purse (which I’m considering checking that, too), stroller, carseat, oh yeah, and baby, I’m thinking I should just go to the airport now and hang out until my flight tomorrow.

…9 hours later…

 OK, so I didn’t leave for the airport yet, but I am STILL packing…I just realized I also need to bring my breast pump!  Geesh, I think I’ll just drop the kid off at grandma and grandpa’s house and be done with it.

So I went to work today and faced the demons.  Then I ran some errands while the church lady nanny watched my kid.  Then I spent the rest of the day carrying the kid around to make up for leaving him for three hours.  What on Earth has gotten into me?  Or gotten out of me, I should say?  I think Matteo is my heart, living on the outside of my body…which scares me to death.

I’m tired and my pizza is in the oven.  I gotta get me a Diet Coke to keep the engine runnin’ and eat some pizza, put the kid in the swing and then continue to pack.  Shit, I just remembered, I still have to shave my legs…

Hasta la vista, vaya con Dios, check ya later, and peace out.  Have a good weekend not traveling with a three month old so you can be a corporate wife.  Did I mention that this weekend is a recruiting event for my husband’s company?  Yeah, forgot to mention that…but we do get to stay at the Omni hotel and eat wonderful expensive food, drink good wine - all on their tab.  So I guess it’s all worth it.

 I think.

Matteo is sleeping, Sal is at Costco, and I just finished my 4th nanny interview.  Yes, I have finally stepped out of my staying at home denial and admitted that eventually I will be leaving Oprah’s world and walking back into the Rat Race. 

So yeah, I’m interviewing nannies…Mary Poppins need not apply.

I used a site called “Nannies 4 Hire” (www.nannies4hire.com), and so far have been pretty impressed.  I guess Dr. Phil was impressed, too, because he endorsed the site, but either way, it’s a great resource.  So, how am I going to find someone to come to my house everyday and be responsible for my most favorite person in the whole wide world?  I’m going on pure intuition.  Of course there are multiple “interview checklists” online on what you should ask these people, and background checks, resumes and references…but I’m going with my gut. 

The first woman had raised boht of her sons, and was a good option, but a little pricy.  And, I think she was a little too church lady for my taste.  The second one was good, but young, and kept talking about her boyfriend, which makes me think she and her boyfriend will be hanging out on my couch while the baby sits in his own shit in his crib.  The 3rd one was my favorite so far - more interested in Matteo than me, and Matteo seemed to like her, too.  The 4th one could work, but was more expensive than pricy #1.  Number 5 will be here at 4pm…overall, they would all probably work, but it’s not like I’m trying on jeans to see which makes me look less fat.  After all, whoever this woman is will be spending more waking hours with Matteo than I will, at least for a year and a half.  I better choose wisely.

I’ll keep you posted and let you know how it turns out.  Meanwhile, as Ms. Poppins recommends, I’m going to get a spoonful of sugar and a Diet Coke.

Funny, I just read Barb’s Notes about her friend categories, and was inspired to write (Is this part of the blogging thing that I’m just now starting to realize? This is kind of fun.).

First of all, I know Barb has her categories. She likes to compartmentalize things and keep them neatly ordered, which may be a perfectionist thing, or an OCD thing, or just a Barb thing. But what really struck me when reading her blog from today is that she considers Matteo to be something that’s distracting me, when from my perspective, he is The Main Event and everything else is the distraction. My time with Barb, in fact, is a welcome distraction for me…time to spend with my girl talking about things adults talk about, drinking good wine and eating good food. In two words, good company.

I understand that my “changing categories” for Barb has been an adjustment, and it cracks me up that the adjustment for her seems almost as big as the adjustment to having a child is for me. Almost like the sharing of space with a baby and not having my undivided attention is HUGE for her. Who knew.

I also think it’s a control thing…when you’re on “baby time”, especially when you’re breastfeeding, your day is built around the baby’s needs, not your own. You don’t control your time, your body, or your surroundings. Of course you can influence them, but being a mother is definitely a lesson in flexibility. You can’t just make plans to go to do a spa weekend with your girlfriends and drink margaritas and get massages without first thinking about what you’re going to do with the baby. Of course you can still do those things, but honestly, it doesn’t have the same pull that it used to. In fact, at this early stage in the game, I can’t imagine being away from this little guy for that long! I’m sure he would be fine as long as someone was feeding, changing and loving him, but I’m just not comfortable with that person being anyone but me at this point.

As I stare at Matteo in his magic swing, I can’t help but think that this blog is a distraction, that lunch today with my friend Eli is a distraction, hell - laundry’s a distraction. But then again, I probably have A.D.D. anyway.

Yes, I have a child, and yes, time and space have taken on a whole new meaning. Call me distracted. Call me crazy, but I don’t know how anyone could have a child and not consider the world to be a whole new place - with your little one smack dab in the center of the universe. Sorry Barb, you’ve been replaced. :)

Maybe my “friends with kids” will over time become closer merely because we have that in common and they understand that the agenda won’t necessarily be followed.  Maybe my “childfree” friends will come around less and less because they are inconvenienced by this.  Or maybe both sides of the fence will appreciate the contrast of the two different ways of living.  Either way, I’m happy to have Matteo in my world - unpredictability and all. 

First of all, I apologize for being MIA for the past couple days. Looking at my past entries and then wandering over to Barb’s Notes to see what she’s been up to, I feel like I’m letting you down. But I’m sure I’ll get over it.

I haven’t been keeping up my end of the blogging bargain this past weekend because my girlfriend Maggie came in town from Denver to visit. She hadn’t met Matteo yet, and I hadn’t seen her since October, so it was great to reconnect.

Maggie and I go way back…I mean WAY back…to 1991. Technically even further back than that, when we were in Brownie uniforms in St. Charles, Missouri. But from a memory standpoint, we didn’t really become friends until after we graduated high school, in 1991. Over the past seventeen years, we have had a shitload of fun together, as well as get educated, get married, and recently, have babies.

Maggie’s little girl Sadie is almost exactly a year older than Matteo, born December 8th, 2007.  Other than the fact that Sadie is absolutely adorable, it’s been amazing to see the transformation in Maggie.  Maggie has never really had a great relationship with her mother, so when she was embarking on the task of motherhood herself, she was hesitant to say the least.

Seeing her with Sadie, though, reaffirms my confidence in the human race to be able to overcome experience and plot a new path.  Maggie is a wonderful mother and seeing her be so nurturing is a new side of her that I never noticed much before.

During our visit, we were trying to coordinate schedules, as Maggie’s friend Marie was also on the list of people to see.  We had a great time talking about our lives…as women, wives and mothers.  It’s amazing how our conversations have changed - from which Ani Difranco concert was the best to which butt cream is the best and which tit produced the most milk.  Unf**king believable.

Our friendship over the past few years wasn’t as close as when we were in our twenties, but I think now that we’re both in the same procreational boat, I see our relationship changing and becoming closer than before.  Although we talk less and have less time to spend together, I think there’s a commonality that doesn’t need explanation.  Not only are we from the same midwestern town, but we’re in the same experience at relatively the same time.  The experience of seeing yourself through another person’s eyes - the eyes of your child.

Inspired by Barb’s collage she made for me, I was leafing through a magazine at the doctor’s office and saw this ad.  The question seemed to grab my attention in a way that moved me.  My answer to this question is an emphatic YES! - which is why I decided to have children.

I was listening to Hillary Clinton the other day giving a speech to her supporters, and of course she thanked her mother.  Her mother was born when women weren’t allowed to vote, and here her daughter is running for the highest ranking position in the country!  How cool is that, not only in sharing the excitement of the progress that women have made in this country in ONE GENERATION, but it gives me hope that the next generation can take the human race one step further toward a more evolved state.

I look at my son and can’t help wonder what contribution he will make to the world.  He is my next generation.  Of course as his mother I imagine his contribution being a positive one…and will do my best to model the behavior that will help to ensure that. 

The next generation CAN change the world, my friends…and I sleep better each night knowing that.

And yes, Barb, I did mention scrapbooking, and I can’t believe it myself, but I like to think of it as a photo album on steroids rather than the scrapbooks you see at Tupperware parties.  And, no matter how motherly I get over the years, I give you my word that I’ll never buy a snowman sweatshirt nor associate with anyone who has one.  If that doesn’t make you feel better, nothing will.

Speaking of Instant Memories, put Matteo’s first birthday party on your list.  You’ve got time, but I know how you like to plan, and hopefully it doesn’t get in the way of any of your vacations, for Chrissake. 

Here I am again, at the end of my day, wondering where it went and sitting down while Matteo sleeps trying to get this blog done.  I really hope someday soon I can approach this blogging thing as something to look forward to than as something I have to get done.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea and the fact that it gets me writing everyday (well, almost everyday - I skipped yesterday!), but somehow this stay at home mom thing seems to take up the whole day!  Not that I’m complaining, but still, where does the time go?

Today Matteo got his first round of vaccinations…OH. MY. GOD.  I’ve never heard him cry like that.  It was horrible.  As suggested by the pediatrician, I gave him some Infant’s Tylenol before the appointment and fed him well.  He was so happy and smiling and impressing the doctor with his weight gain and head growth, and then BAM!  Take that!  Here’s a needle in your left thigh for tetanus, and BAM! BAM! two more in your right thigh for the other immunizations (I can’t even remember what they were).  Poor guy cried and cried.  I picked him up and consoled him and eventually he stopped.  By the time we got to the car, he was pooped.  Slept most of the afternoon.

So, I’ve been homebound today, catching up on things.  Of course I still refuse to look into a nanny to take care of the little guy when I go back to work.  I went to the grocery store, the gym, organized my husband’s socks and t-shirts (seriously), showered, cleaned the house, did laundry, researched where to stay in Kauai in June, scheduled my trip to Chicago in April, and surfed the web.  Now I’m actually realizing I actually DID do something with my day.

It’s on my list tomorrow to start on a scrapbook for Matteo.  Let’s see if it happens…for now, I’m headed to bed, after I feed Matteo, change Matteo and live for Matteo.  Poor guy…he’s had a rough day.  Tomorrow will be better, for sure.