A New Year, A New Life

My last blog entry was last year, and although it has only been a few weeks, it feels like a lifetime ago.  I spoke of lemons and lemonade, and was leaving the country to spend my holidays in Brazil.  I am home now, and I feel like a new person.  I am rested, relaxed, and invigorated.  I am also unemployed, a stay-at-home mom and we have a new President.  This is a historical time for me, my family and the world at large.  For the first time in a long time, I am not just living, I am happy to be alive.

Let’s start at the beginning, with my box of lemons.  My last day of work was December 12th, and the only way I can explain it is describing it as being in a crappy relationship.  It’s not SO crappy that you’re miserable enough to leave, but it’s not good enough to make you want to stick around.  Then one day he comes home from work and tells you HE’s unhappy and HE doesn’t want to do this anymore.  HEY, that was MY line!  I was shocked, I was upset, I was furious.  I was also relieved, excited, and for the first time in a long time, I was HAPPY.

Then I left for Brazil to visit my in-laws.  It was three weeks of rest and relaxation (although it was hot, humid and we had no air conditioning and limited amounts of ice) and time with my husband and son.  It was boring, crowded, and sometimes downright annoying.  But it was good for all of us to be together, and it was good for me to see how other people live.  They don’t have as many things, but they seem to be more content.  They seem to be less stressed.  And upon returning to the US, the American way of life seemed less and less appealing.  Especially living in Los Angeles, surrounded by plastic surgery and Mercedes Benz on lease, I returned with a new perspective on my life and of those around me.  

Now I am home sweet home and loving it.  We don’t have as much money as we did before, in our checking account or in our 401k(s).  I don’t have a cleaning lady and we don’t go out to eat.  I don’t really feel like a stay-at-home mom yet, and I don’t want to go back to work.  I want to keep my house clean and enjoy actually being here.  I want to hang out with my 14 month old son and laugh, giggle, play and (occasionally) cry.

I went to my therapist last Saturday and in the course of my session told her this was my time.  Two years ago I was pregnant, and last year was my first year as a mother.  This year is mine to give birth to myself.  I am 35 years old and feel like I have my life ahead of me.  Finally, I have my life back.