Five years ago there weren’t any children in the family.  I take that back…five years ago, my brother, sister and I were the children in the family (at ages 25, 30 and 35 if you can imagine).  Then my brother and his wife had a baby, and another one, and then I followed suit with Matteo. Three months ago my sister adopted another one, and in no time our family has doubled and everyone’s roles have changed.  My parents are Granny and Grandpa, my siblings and I are mommies and daddies, and my grandparents have all passed away.  This gift of mortality - new life coming in, old life going out - has created a new dynamic, new perspective, and for me, new inspiration to reinvent myself and open the door to the dreams I left behind years ago.

My own perspective started shifting when I found out I was pregnant.  I’m not one of those women who cleaned up my act six months before getting pregnant, tending the soil if you will.  I waited until the very last minute, the minute I saw that little white stick turn into a + while I was on the toilet.  I was a little surprised that it happened so quickly, and instead of feeling excited and happy, I was completely overwhelmed.

Those initial moments faded and I adjusted to the new life growing inside of me.  I had an easy pregnancy and Matteo has been an easy baby, but as the days blend into weeks and months, I’m wondering what kind of parent I am and will be.  It’s daunting knowing that you’re responsible for creating the foundation on which your children will live their lives.  I see my parents and the life that they have lived, the parents that they were and are.  Is there anything they would do differently?  Do they have any regrets?  What do I want to take from them and apply to my own child(ren) and what do I want to leave behind?

I can’t say I know anymore as a parent than I did before, or that becoming a mother has enlightened me.  I do, however, have a newfound love of life that wasn’t there before.  I don’t have any answers per se, but being wedged in between the beginning and end of my life, I’m excited to reinvent who I am and want to be, and to think about how that will impact those who came before me and those I will leave behind.