Warning: guns, beer, babies, and bikinis may make you a vice presidentI’m totally turned off by John McCain’s choice for Vice President, Sarah Palin. Besides the obvious reasons (I’m not exactly a fan of anti-choice, gun-totting homophobics), I found myself disgusted (yes, disgusted) by the fact that she has five kids. Being a beauty pageant contestant didn’t help her image any with me either, but the kid thing is the driving force behind my total and complete dislike of her. The Democratic party gives us Geraldine Ferraro and Hillary Clinton and all the Republican party can come up with is Palin? For real?

I’m not saying women can’t have babies and a career too. I’m not saying women with kids and politics don’t mix. I’m not even saying that having five babies is a bad thing. What I am saying is that there’s a certain type of woman that chooses to have five kids and I’m not a big fan of those type of women.They seem to be trying to make a point (or several points) by having all those kids and I think there are more effective and better ways to make a statement. And in Palin’s case, with her support of abstinence-only sex ed in schools (‘cause that worked out really well for her oldest daughter) and her membership in the anti-choice, anti-birth control group ridiculously named Feminists for Life, Palin and the Republicans are sending a clear message about women: your role, biologically and socially, is to have babies.  Period. Sure, you can hunt and pilot a floatplane and run marathons. Heck, you can even be the first female governor of Alaska. But a real American, a real woman not only has children, she breeds. What better way to show your patriotism than to have baby after baby after baby?

I feel bad for Palin. Whether it’s walking down the runway of a beauty pageant, eloping with her husband because she was pregnant with their first child, or standing on the stage at the Republican National Convention, she has, once again, allowed herself to be a pawn for men.

Flyer for the Marbling Class I’m taking at the Santa Fe Art Institute this weekend.Nothing says “childfree” quite like booking three trips over a three-week period in 48 hours. But that’s just what I did a month ago when three different adventures happened to present themselves to me at the same time. I have to admit, being able to travel freely, unhindered by the details of traveling with kids or leaving them behind, is the one thing I definitely gloat about when talking to my FWKs. That probably means I’m a bad friend, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Traveling ROCKS and the fact that the choices I’ve made in my life allow me such a wonderful opportunity is something I just can’t stop gushing about.

My three-trips-in-three-weeks adventure starts this weekend where I’ll be taking an art class at the Santa Fe Art Institute. A few days after I get back, I’ll head out to Minnesota for a week-long visit with family and friends. After Minnesota comes Savannah with my girlfriend Heidi. Three trips with three different objectives: one to learn, one to connect, and one to explore. Now that I think about it, that pretty much sums up how I try to live my life. It is, in fact, my daily routine—learning, connecting, exploring. And at this stage in their lives, that’s probably how Lori’s Matteo and my niece and nephew spend their days too. My wish for them is that they never stop, whether at home or on the road.

Sula loved the comforts of a nice, soft pillow!For all those “you just don’t know love until you have a baby” people, for anyone who thinks having pets (or a career or food or a lover or whatever) is not as fulfilling and life altering as having children, please read this wonderful blog entry by mermaid and all the comments left by her readers. Truly touching and I can totally relate.

Nina loved being outside!
Last night I woke up at about 2 a.m. ans was suddenly struck by the memory of my wonderful cat Sula who died nine months ago. Sula, whom we got from the Animal Humane Society, had been with Emmett and me forever…since we bought our first house in Minnesota way back in 1996. I miss her, and our other cat Nina who died four days before Sula, dearly. I eventually fell back to sleep last night but not before a good, long cry.

Mira loves the computer!Then this morning, I awoke to a very vocal Mira who proceeded to snuggled next to me while I spent the morning writing in bed. At this moment, I am in my office working diligently at my computer while she cleans herself at my feet. She knows when, and, more importantly, how, she is needed. Most pets do.

My goal is to be as great as my pets think I am. (from a billboard near dog boarding facility in Ohio)

Lori chillin’ in her backyard as we work on our Micromovent Monday lists.After spending Monday night and all day Tuesday last week with Lori working on our Micromovement Monday lists and just having fun together, I drove home with this thought in mind: there’s an actual chance that Lori may end up being a cool FWK. My cool FWK. As in a friend I could describe to someone else like this: That’s my girlfriend, Lori. She’s a mom. But she’s cool.

Of course, Matteo has yet to start crawling, her second (and third?) kid has yet to be born, and the full impact of having pre-teens and teens in the house has yet to be felt (well, there’s her husband Sal)…but still. For the first time, I can see how the “Lori as a mom” thing and our friendship can work. Together. And not just in parallel dimensions either.

Why my sudden change of attitude (not that I was totally against the idea…just a bit skeptical)? I don’t really know. Just a feeling. And sometimes that’s good enough. But I think it really has to do with the fact that after spending a whole day with Lori and seeing how committed she is to herself, to finding something meaningful that she can call hers, to being creative, and to having fun with me, I see the baby thing more as a minor bad habit (like a guy who forgets to put the toilet seat down) than as a huge character flaw (like being a murderer).

And as much as I hate it when the toilet seat is left up, it’s not the end of the world. I can deal.

I recently got an email from a friend I used to work with announcing she and her husband of one year are moving from Arizona (where they’ve lived for the past five or so years) back to Wisconsin. Oh, and lo and behold, they are pregnant.

What surprised me most wasn’t that they were pregnant (she’s always talked of having babies), but that they were moving BACK to Wisconsin. First off, moving back to the Midwest after you’ve escaped from it is just disturbing on so many levels. But secondly, it’s a trend I see often with friends who have babies—they have a tendency to move closer to their parents/soon-to-be-grandparents. Lori did the same thing when she got pregnant…she bought a house 15 minutes away from Mama and Papa Stone. Coincidence? I doubt it. Don’t get me wrong: there’s something to be said about having family nearby and I’m all for it. Heck, if I were to have babies, I’d probably feel compelled to move closer to my mom and dad (or at least, closer to my brother and his wife so the cousins could play together). But it still strikes me as, well, so not appealing. I mean, if my family lived in Hawaii or Australia, sure, I’d be all over that…with or without kids. But Wisconsin?

After getting my friend’s email, I immediately forwarded it on to another friend of mine who had worked with her too and this is what I said:

Sometimes I hear about other people’s lives and I’m giddy knowing I’m NOT that. I mean, I’m happy for her and all because I know that’s what she wants. But sometimes I find myself asking, “Really? That’s what you WANT??? You can have anything in the world and you choose THAT??” Well, have at it, Girlfriend, because I will not fight you over it. You will not have to worry about me getting in line ahead of you and taking the last available life like that.

I don’t always know what I want from life. But it sure is comforting to know that at least I’m clear about what I don’t want.

Symbiotic Relationship for 17 Years!Last week’s Whatever Wednesday had us writing letters to ourselves in the future. I didn’t know what to expect from the exercise but I certainly didn’t expect it to reveal to me the core difference between Lori’s and my decision about whether or not to have children. But there it was. One simple sentence that spoke volumes.

That one sentence didn’t come until near the end of Lori’s letter but it’s significance, to me, is pretty high:

One thing that hasn’t changed is your role in it. You are the rock and the glue, and are the main vein that keeps everyone together.

I have never thought of myself as the “rock and glue” that would keep a family together. More importantly, I’ve never had the desire to be it. In fact, I feel just the opposite. I totally reject that role, stiff-arming anyone whom I get the feeling needs or depends on me, emotionally or physically. Stay away!

My interactions with people need to be symbiotic. More specifically, freely symbiotic, where the relationship is of free will and chosen by both parties. When you have kids, they have no choice in becoming part of a relationship. They are there only because you have allowed them to be. And because of that, yes, a family needs that “rock and glue,” that “main vein that keeps everyone together.” Kids should have someone in their lives to help them through it. And that someone just isn’t the role I seek to play.

But for Lori, this role is exactly what she seeks, not only to fulfill, but to define. While she wavers in many other visions of herself, this one she holds steadfast. And that’s sort of cool.

Here comes that crazy daycare mom!One of the advantages of having a FWK like Lori (and by that I mean someone with her slightly-skewed sense of humor) is that you get to know all about the other moms and dads at daycare…through her eyes. Heck, I get my own little comedy show as she and Sal do impersonations of these folks—from gestures to accents and everything in between. It really is a hoot.

When I was at Lori’s earlier this week, she told me about a particularly interesting encounter with one of the daycare moms (who is fresh from Taiwan) that went something like this: 

Daycare Mom (from across the parking lot): You, hey you. What your name?

Lori (looking around to see who the lady was talking to): Me? Lori.

Daycare Mom: Hey Lo-wee. You know good divorce lawyer?

Lori (looking at her wedding ring): Nope. Not yet.

I’m pretty sure somewhere on this blog I’ve said this before: I’m one lucky lady. And not just because I’m proactively unemployed, have the best husband in the world, and live in an awesome place. Luck had very little to do with any of those things. I sought them out, worked toward them, and continue to do so on a daily basis. No, I’m lucky because last Friday, I got personal cards in the mail from three friends. This required an effort on their part, not mine. Which is why I’m lucky.

What makes these cards even more special to me is that they each paid me a compliment: one on the way I acted in a particular situation, another on how I live my life in general, and the third on the kind of friend I am. If you’ve never had this happen to you before, where a friend tells you he or she admires you for some reason, let me tell you how it feels: good. Really good. And what I realized as I read and re-read the notes this past weekend, was that this is what happens when you live the life you want—people take note. They can’t help but to.

I know being childfree is a large part of why I am living the life I “want” (not the life I “can” or “have to”) and I couldn’t imagine not having that choice. I can’t help but wonder what those notes would have said if I did have children. Or even if I would have gotten them at all.