I couln’t resist including my cat in this shot of the newspaper clippinig Lori sent me.The other day, Lori sent me an article she cut out of the LA Times that she thought would be of interest to me. And she was right. I loved it. It made me smile. It made me nod my head in recognition of what it was talking about. It made me want to laminate it and carry it with me at all times so I could pull it out and show it to all the numskulls who make one of the most irritating comments when I tell them I’m childfree. I’m not sure Lori realized as she cut the piece out of the paper how close to home it would hit me, but I love the fact that I have a friend who knows me well enough to know when something is relevant and of interest to me in my life…and then is willing to take the time to send it to me.

The article by Sandy Banks was titled “A full life, with or without children” and was about 102-year-old Aunt Tiny. Aunt Tiny’s husband of 45 years had died 20 years ago and they never had children. The point of the article: Aunt Tiny has made “an adventure and an art” out of living alone. Years of travel garnered Aunt Tiny an impressive list of friends from around the globe, not to mention a hefty dose of keeping active and engaged. She volunteers. She keeps informed (she had just finished reading Barack Obama’s The Audacity of Hope). She exercises consistently. In other words, she lives. On her terms. She shapes her day and her life and leaves no one responsible for her happiness other than herself. And in the process, a more than century-long process I might point out, she has proven that life is simply there for the taking. Anyone who doesn’t grab at it, is just plain lazy. (And I would add, boring.)

One of the most irritating comments I get from people when I tell them I am childfree by choice is, “But who will take care of you when you’re old?” Along the same lines is this one: “But what if your husband dies? You’ll be all alone.”

Seriously, folks? THAT’S why you have children? So you can have built-in caretakers in your old age and someone to play with when your spouse dies? There are so many problems I have with these child-bearing justifications but the biggest one is the idea that your kids are there to serve you. Whether you expect them to phone you every day (or every-other-day or every month or just at all) or whether you want them to wipe your butt when can no longer do it yourself (or go to the grocery store or take you to your doctor’s appointment or generally be a source of entertainment), the idea that parents expect their children to be more than just decent, law-abiding, self-sustaining, contributing members of society, I find sad and selfish. Personally, I think kids should do these things for their parents, if they are deserving of it. But for parents to expect it, and to have children (and use guilt) to ensure it, is something entirely different. So when people ask me what I’ll do when I get old or my husband dies, I tell them I’ll do exactly what I’ve been doing all my life: live it. Like Aunt Tiny, my life will be full and busy right to the end. Even if I find myself confined to a bed in a nursing home with no family in sight, I’m pretty sure I’ll find a way to make it interesting. For me and those around me.

I’m not suggesting that people go all kiwi (as in the bird, not the fruit or the people) on their offspring (kiwi parents take off after a chick is born). I think there is value, as well as fun to be had, in the family unit. (And I’m not talking about the narrowly defined concept of “family unit” some people are so desperately trying to hold on to through constitutional amendments.) I look forward to the day when I’m 80 and my niece and nephew come visit me. But even more so, I look forward to the day when I’m 80 and I go visit my niece and nephew. I’ll probably have to squeeze them in somewhere between my volunteering activities and my trip to Croatia, and probably after Lori and I have our weekly picnic lunch by the ocean, but I’m sure I’ll find some time for them. After all, they are family.